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Vanessa Van Petten is pretty much the youngest ever parenting expert and she's the author of Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded? If you're having trouble with a teen, you'll want to read everything she's written!
"Your mouth speaks before your brain thinks!" That's what my mother always told me. You can blame raging hormones, you can blame back-to-school anxiety, but whatever the cause, teenagers blurt out pretty infuriating stuff. The list below is a preview of some of the songs your teen will sing. And I'm going to tell you what to do besides throw something when these phrases start flying. This is what you’ll hear when your kid is:
Trying to get away with something bad...
"Why are you making this such a big deal?"
"It's not like when you were a teenager. It's DIFFERENT now."
"Well, all of my friends are doing it!"
"This is so unfair!"
"I'm going to graduate in ___ years, and then you'll have no control over what I do!"
"None of the other parents care. You're the only one who is making me do ___."
"You wouldn’t understand."
Wanting to get your attention (in an any-attention-is-good-attention kind of way)...
"Did you gain weight?"
"Mom, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM."
"What do you think about me getting my belly button pierced?"
"Can I have some more allowance?"
Overly hungry, overly tired, or mad at you for cutting computer time...
"I'm only yelling because you are!"
"You just SO do not understand me."
"I’m bored."
"Are we there yet?"
Trying to avoid doing a chore...
"I’ll do it later."
"Just a minute, I’m texting."
"I swear I'm really doing homework on the computer."
Mad that you did something to embarrass them...
"Do NOT friend me on Facebook."
"Are you, like, going through menopause or something?"
What is a parent to do when a teen says one of these obnoxious things? First, take a deep breath and know that if it was mean they probably didn't mean it. Second, try to figure out what the emotional intent of their statement is and address that instead of their snarky attitude. For example, if they are worried about you friending them on Facebook they are probably anxious to look cool. Instead of snapping back, "Don't talk to me like that," address the emotional message intended for you by saying something like, "Look I am pretty sure you are worried about me embarrassing you, and, despite what you may think, that is the last thing I want. I just want to make sure you are safe. How about instead of me friending you, we go on your Facebook account together every once in a while so I can make sure you are safe, and you can relax, ok?"
And remember, you’re not the only one who’s had trouble with obnoxious teens. Watch what these people have been told by kids:
Take a look at Vanessa's other books:
Radical Family Workbook and Activity Journal
Written by teens, this is a totally new approach to the traditional family meeting with activities to bond, connect, and inspire families of all kinds.
Lessons on how to stop fighting with your kids and make the teenage years easier from a teenage perspective.
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