Brand New, Recently Renovated

"If you thought housing prices were spiraling up again, consider the lowly parking space.... At an auction on Thursday, the bidding for a tandem spot — space for two cars, one behind the other — started out at $42,000. It ended 15 minutes later at $560,000." -- The New York Times

 

"I'm so glad to see all of you for today's open house -- or rather, open space.  It doesn't get any better than this: Brand-new, recently renovated premium parking location for sale by owner, with a completely open concrete floor plan. People talk about open layouts, but, I promise, you will not find a layout more open than this. Trust me, I sell a ton of these things, and you're getting maximum openness for your square footage. No obstructions, at least until you park your car.

"Take a good look. It’s hard not to, with all of the light. There literally could not be more light. It's coming in from all sides, depending on where the sun is. The top, the left, the right, everywhere -- and there's no glass to interfere. Heck, if you need even more light, there is room for a lamp. Maybe even two lamps, depending on the size of your vehicle.


"As you can see, the entire property has infinitely high ceilings. Homeowners often brag about eight-, nine-, ten-foot ceilings. Indoor garages, covered driveways. We're not doing that today. These ceilings go on forever. You could stack your cars, as many as you wanted to, one on top of the other, and you’d still have room for more. I'm not saying I would recommend it, but you could do it, and you’d never hit a ceiling, no matter how high you went.


"Yes, of course it can serve as a bedroom, with the addition of a bed. It can also serve as a bathroom. It has, in fact, served as a bathroom in the past, for many. Once it's yours, you can use it for anything you like. The concrete cooktop would make it a perfect kitchen in the summer heat. It can also be used for storage, assuming you don't mind keeping your belongings outside -- or, as we like to say in the parking lot realty business, unencumbered by burdensome walls.

"Oh, the curb appeal is unmatched. It may look a little small from the front, but if you swing around to the side, you'll see it's actually a rectangle, and there's plenty of room, no matter what kind of car you have. Especially a small one. Picture it, you drive in -- through the grand entrance, you cross that white line, glide to a stop, and everything in that box is yours. These 96 perfectly square feet belong solely to you.

"A media room? Well, I suppose that depends on what kind of car you have. Because with the surround sound, I think we could make the case. Sit in the car, put a TV in front, spray-clean the windshield and it's like your very own drive-in movie theater. And no one's going to charge you for the popcorn.

"It's the original owners, sure. And they've done such a wonderful job renovating. Do you like the shade of black they chose? And how about the white line? People say colors are in, but I like the simplicity of the black and white. It's classic.

"Sure, it could totally be a home office. Run some extension cords from the house, stick a desk out here -- I think that could definitely work. Maybe put up a little canopy for when it rains, bring a bookcase out, a waterproof desk chair, I can totally see it. You wouldn't be the first person to repurpose a parking spot as a home office. Or you might be the first. You could start a trend -- even offer WiFi service to other Parkingplacers desperate to get online. Yep, that’s the new word for real-estate pioneers like you.

"Yes, that's a great idea -- a guest room for the in-laws. Don't want them hovering over you when they visit? Send them out to your luxury guest suite, right in between the driver's side and someone else’s SUV.  Tell them what I’ve been telling you-- “unencumbered by burdensome walls.” Heck, it's roomier than it looks, especially as the old folks continue to shrink. And, like I said, this spot has served as a bathroom in the past, so they don't even have to come inside for that.

"$500K. Yeah, that's what we're starting at. Will the owners throw in the car? No, the car is extra. No, the house is not for sale. It's just the parking spot. No, there are no houses for sale for at least ten miles. Twenty, if there’s traffic. But between you and me, there may be another space opening up right across the street. Messy divorce, and there’s a bit of oil damage. But it could be a golden opportunity for a growing family.  Or a weekend getaway -- it’s fifty feet closer to the country.

 

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer. Read more at http://jeremyblachman.com.

April 23: " 'A job,' the woman repeated again, smiling, as if I hadn't heard her. 'Would you like one?' "

Kenneth Calhoun (Black Moon) and Lysely Tenorio (Monstress) of the Discover Great New Writers program on B-movies, heritage, and finales.

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